The Muggles Situation...

It has become obvious to me over the gradual passage of time that I will have to handle the Muggles situation on the behalf of my darling (if not recently a bit aggravating,) son Nathan. Alas, I did not believe that this situation would spiral so out of my control. To truly remedy this catastrophe I would have to handle this in person, hence my recent visit to the kennel currently harboring this Mr. Muggles character. As I approached the strangely dressed receptionist, it became obvious to me that this meeting of minds might not go as smoothly as I had originally planned.



Nevertheless, my precious progeny's entire career had been put at risk by my long lost grandchild's former pet, so I endeavored on. I demanded a meeting with the resident known as "Mr. Muggles" and insisted I be allowed to speak with him right away. The oddly, tastelessly dressed, immensely frightening kennel worker led me down a dark, dank hall filled with the disturbing chirping and growling of numerous mangy animals that truly made me feel as though I were on some sort of prison block listening to the cat calls of a desperate, doomed population of death penalty inmates. I still can't believe they had the nerve to use their little harsh doggie tones with me! I had to bang on a few gates to keep them in line. No one attempts to intimidate Angela D.A. Petrelli and emerges unscathed. I swear, I couldn't understand why someone with the tactical maneuvering machination of someone like the cunning Muggles to be group among such a crowd. And yet, for the love of my oldest son, I soldiered on.



Soon, the demonically dressed slightly androgynous individual led me to a door marked "Do Not Disturb and/or attempt to feed. In a ominous tone the made-up youth said "What you seek lies within." After giving him a stern talking to about facial cleanser and and professional courtesy I turned to the entrance to the back room, making a note to send the Haitian after that little goth individual. Perhaps I'd make him forget that he has absolutely no fashion sense or manners. At last, I was to meet the creature that threatened the success of the entire Petrelli clan and what I saw inside was...a very small dog. For some reason, I had expected something a little bit more menacing, not coordinated twin hair bows and color coordinated nail polish. Nonetheless, it was a very snappy look that even I have to admit is hard to pull off. "Mr. Muggles, I presume. I suppose I shall start by introducing myself."

"No need." he said.

And so, it had begun.

Recognizing Greatness...Petrelli Greatness, of course.

I have to admit, my little wonder Nathan was right about the waffles. They aren't terrible. The service, however, was a totally different story, Everyone was dropping things off at that morbid little death shrine and barely paid any attention to the fact that my coffee had become lukewarm. For heaven's sake let the poor child die in some modicum of peace and refill my coffee! I might have to buy this place just to get a fresh cup. The chocolate chip waffles on the other hand were quite good, when I finally got them amongst all the mooning of this Charlie person. Honestly enough, if they are going to put up shrines they should put one up for my little darlings, Nathan and Peter. After all both of them graced this tacky little backwater diner with their presence and it seems as though no one noticed that they were even here.

Where are the "Vote Petrelli" signs???

Where is the monument of Peter saving that little, his darling niece???

My poor Peter risked his very life to save a cheerleader and yet all you here about her in...what is this place called again? Odella? Ophelia? Oh, Odessa. All you here about in Odessa, Texas is "Poor Charlie, it's so sad that she was decapitated and then her brain was dissected for parts by some absolutely insane sociopath who has been rampaging across the country apparently eating brains."

Really, is it all that interesting?

Is that something that educated people pay attention to?

I think not! But saving the life a girl who is in the prime of her youth from that very same sociopath? Now, that's something to write home about. And of course, my precious angel did. Write home to me, that is. And did he get any recognition for his truly benevolent act?!?! No! He got arrested. They put a Petrelli in jail! Now I admit I've spent a little time in the "Big House" myself for that little incident in the department store, but really, the officials should have known better. And they had the nerve to actually question him, for his involvement in a crime. I almost had a mind to hunt down those silly little FBI agents myself and have the Haitian...educate them.

I swear the people in this place have no conception of true greatness. Soon the Petrelli name shall be worldwide and this shanty little...but I'm getting ahead of myself. Perhaps the Haitian could make a little trip to the Burnt Toast Diner. Maybe service would be a little better if no one remembers that little, what was her name again? That little Charlie person. What kind of name is that for a girl? It'd truly be a benevolent action, seeing as they are having such a hard time moving past their tragic loss and getting to my coffee...

*finished*

More Petrelli poetry...and some dog

Considering the controversy surrounding this particular poet and one of my beloved children, I will refrain from making any sort of derogatory comment about small overly opinionated dogs and their respective lack of restraint and respect when criticizing one of the best future politicians in this great country. Enjoy the poem!

Mr. Muggles

by One of a breed of small dogs having long, straight hair, erect ears, and a tail carried over the back

Marvelous Body
Radiant Personality
Milk Loving Fool
Ugly-Hating Being
Gorgeous Fur
Glamorous Lifestyle
Loves Mommy Alot
Elite Surrounding
Specialized in Breeding.

This particular poet is near and dear to my heart seeing as he is one of my two beloved children. He's going through a dark time in his life. Apparently, he's finally gotten that haircut that I've been asking him to get for months now and he's a bit miffed at his loss of hair. It's a wonderful piece of poetry that I feel everyone should vote for (along with his brother Nathan's upcoming poetry and of course, my own, to seal the perfect Petrelli trifecta of winning literary works.) Indeed, it is one of the finest pieces of literature that I have come across in quite a long time. Therefore, it is a moral imperative that you vote for my son. Right now.

The Metaphorical Eclipse

by My Youngest Dearest Darling

Pedals of the pink pansy turn brown and die
It is with great anger that they return to the Earth
There is no relief, only more darkness
The sun is blocked out in the sky.
Rivers of blood flow through the streets
Vampires descend to the Earth, slaughtering sheep
Wolves rain from the sky, killing yaks
The ghosts of yaks rise to Heaven
Only to return as angry thunderbolts
A car explodes, a baby dies
The mother kills herself out of grief
Her cut wrists forming the blood river Styx

Skyscrapers blacken and turn to dust
A halo can be seen forming around the head of the farmer
His pitchfork extends to infinity
As it rapes the virgin soil
The soil is the soul of the sorriest sunless sunflower
And the resting place of the pissed pansy who has passed on
There is no sun for either of them
Or the demanding dandelion
There is only pain, only suffering
From the vampires to the yaks to the pansies
All this because the sun is eclipsed by the moon
All this because a solitary lock of hair fell
Fell dead to the Earth
Rest in peace lock of hair